UFO Spotted In Montana!
This just in from Montana Associated Press:
“Numerous reports of an unidentified flying object have been pouring in from across northwest Montana. The object has been described as a circular disc and extremely radiant. While it initially was reported stationary over the continental divide this morning, it is now believed it is moving in an extremely slow speed to the west.
Despite it’s slow speed, National Guard F-15’s were unable to come within close range of the object and other attempts at contact have been equally unsuccessful. The only indication of possible contact was reported in Columbia Falls, where local marijuana advocates, who made their customary offer of a marijuana plant to the disc, noted that their plants seem to grow “like big inches” and appear “more vibrant.” In a possibly related development, a phone interview with the claimants recorded only the sounds of drums and chips being consumed.
While further contact with the UFO has not been substantiated, there are many reports of the object inducing strange human behaviors and physical alterations. An alarming number of residents in Kalispell have been seen roaming the streets, sidewalks, and fields. Even more alarming is their apparent disregard of Montana statute 11.345c stating that when outdoors, three layers and waterproof boots must be worn.
Motor vehicle accidents have also increased by 76%. Anita Skee from Whitefish, who collided with one of Montana’s official 6,493 moose statues, stated “I was just listening to Frank Zappa and cruising down the road when I looked up and I was instantly blinded by the UFO. I’m just glad one of our moose was there to stop me!”
In addition, local Emergency Rooms are reporting a four fold increase in rash complaints. In Missoula, Dr. Donna Sue Mee stated “its the same thing over and over. These college kids say as soon as they saw the object, the had the need to put on something called a bikini and lie on the ground. Within in 15 minutes, they all experienced some sort of burning rash on their exposed skin. They also keep asking for something called “Corona” which I assume is some sort of new recreational drug.”
In Kalispell, a Lowe’s employee, began shooting out the light fixtures in the lighting department after apparently mistaking the overhead bulbs for the UFO. After being subdued, the individual stated “I thought they were here to take our grill selection we just got in…what? Have you seen our deals? They’re out of this world I tell ya!”
Several pictures of the UFO have surfaced, and Montana Associated Press has acquired one. Warning, the image may be disturbing for some viewers. We recommend turning down the brightness of your computer before viewing:
Authorities are working with the National Guard and Department of Homeland Security as we report. We will have an update at 11.
In unrelated news, a record number of ice fisherman across the state had to be rescued after breaking through the ice today. Film at 11.”