New Product From Cervelo and Zipp Merger!
Like the Greek Parthenon, Triathlon is a sport built upon several central “pillars” of training. In addition to the obvious need for excellence in swimming, cycling, and running, there are other disciplines, such as time-management and nutrition, that must also be mastered. In an unprecedented venture, Cervelo and Zipp have teamed up to bring the most often overlooked tenet of triathlon training into a new era of performace: Spending Lots of Money.
There is still debate on whether the effect of dropping loads of money on performance is via decreased weight of wallets, or from naturally release endorphins associated with high debt. Nevertheless, triathletes have long recognized the direct relationship between maximum money expenditure and maximum performance.
“Both Cervelo and Zipp are companies committed to Triathlon excellence,” said Zipp’s CFO while attending a poker tournament at the Wynn in Las Vegas. “Thus, a partnership between us to reap the most money out of triathletes was a logical venture.”
According to Zipp’s research, the biggest hurdle to maximum spending is having to choose a product to buy. Despite offering a wide range of products with fancy names, market analysis showed they still were not accessing over 25% of triathletes reserve money.
But that’s about to all change with the introduction of the new Quick Zipp Swiss Bank Account. “No longer will giving up money be hindered by choice,” exclaimed Cervelo’s CEO.
After subscribing to the service, triathletes will be able to simply deposit as much money as they want Zipp’s bank account. Long gone are the days when tri-geeks would have to carefully research what items to disperse their child’s college money on. “There is even an initial subscription fee so users can start spending from day one.”
While a cutting edge development, Cervelo is already developing a handlebar mounted device that will allow in race depositing of money.
“No body said going to Kona would be easy…or cheap. Here at Zipp,” stated their CEO, “we will do everything we can to help relieve you of your money.”