Top Ten Signs Your Race Is Sponsored By BP
There hasn’t been a better example of poop hitting the fan than the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Disaster. BP’s management of the situation makes FEMA look like a well oiled machine (ie like if FEMA’s headquarters were on the beach in Alabama). Lets just be happy British Petroleum doesn’t run triathlons. If they did, these would be the Top Ten Signs Your Race Is Sponsored by BP.
#10: While not required, wetsuits, biohazard suits, respirators, and dish washing gloves are recommended.
#9: There are wetsuit strippers…right after the oil strippers, aka the “Bleach Patrol.”
#8: During the swim, kayakers, boats, dead fish, and oil covered birds will be available for assistance. No forward motion on any oiled animal carcass is allowed.
#7: The race was originally capped at 200, but that cap failed, and another cap was put in at 250. That one still leaked and the participant number is 295 and rising.
#6: Local hotels and other tourism driven businesses are offering rock bottom rates.
#5: For the right amount of money, you can get your race pics photoshopped.
#4: While the roads are not closed for the race, the organizers say don’t worry about encountering any beach traffic.
#3: Recognizing the difficulty in making sure everyone wears helmets, organizers have simply removed the rule.
#2: Post race meal menu includes something called “Seafood Tar Tar.”
#1:Your race is part of a series that includes the Chernobyl Radioactive Man and the 3 Mile Island Sprint.