Top Ten Signs You Are A Triathlete on Black Friday
Oh joy. Its that time of year where every American exercises his or her inalienable right to get trampled to death at Walmart. Maybe its my fondness of internet shopping or the stories of crazy ass shoppers, but Black Friday to me is one of those days that’s like a permanent pimple in the armpit of America. But, hey, sometimes you need the sub par electronics that Wal-Mart is selling. No one likes to run the gauntlet alone and for your aid I give the top ten signs your a triathlete on Black Friday so you can find your comrades.
10. When you set up camp outside of Best Buy one week prior, you brought a treadmill with you.
9. You were the only person standing in front of the heating pads/Bengay section in Wal-Mart at 11:59 PM Thursday.
8. You were late to the door opening at Kohls at 4:00 AM because you decided to throw one more 800m interval at the track.
7. To be safe, you lined up about 20 feet back from the doors at Walmart and then crawled over the slow pokes when the store opened.
6. You have a WKO file date 11/25/10 @ 0600 that shows a HR spike at the beginning and an even larger one at the end of the session.
5. By the time the second shopper in Target had picked a cart, you were already transitioning from electronics to housewares.
4. When an old lady jostled you for a spot before the doors at TJ Max opened, you responded by pulling off her glasses, giving an elbow to the side, and peeing in your pants next to her.
3. You know that optimal distance for shopping cart drafting is 6 inches.
2. You carb loaded the night before.
1. Even though you stuck to the “deals and necessities” you still spent 8 grand on new tri gear.